Introduce yourself here

“I have no special talents. I am only curious.” –Albert Einstein

Just because
I am very curious
about who’s reading

I thought I’d post this page
so that readers of this blog
can introduce themself to me.

We’ll see if it works.
If not, I’ll take it down
but I think I’ll give it a month.

Just share your name or nickname or initials,
or your story,
whatever you want,
I’m listening!

And if you post a link to your own blog
if you have one
I’d love to check it out.

And this goes for
all my friends and family
(not just “strangers” who happen to find their way here).

I’d be interested in
what you think of this blog.

All you have to do
is type a comment below
and hit submit.

It can be private
since you can choose a nickname instead of your real name
and your email address
will not be visible.

So come on!
Who are you?
How’d you get here?

I’m curious.
🙂

Published on November 16, 2008 at 17:09  Comments (63)  

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  1. Just a quick note to say I am loving your blog, Steph! I read it every week and think it is wonderful how you are sharing your thoughts and emotions – well done 😉

    Also very happy to hear you are doing better, enjoying the new job and going on a well deserved vacation…

    Would love to see you soon, if you come to London don’t forget to visit!

    Hugs,
    Sofia

  2. I first heard about you from a high school friend who is friends with your brother. She sent me the link to your video. Of course, you know the story from there.

    I love reading your blog because your writing is beautiful and so often it echoes my own thoughts. I hope that both of us give our baby girls brothers and sisters soon!

    For anybody else reading, I lost my baby at 5 1/2 months in July for unknown reasons – probably a blood clot in the placenta, but that’s not a sure thing.

    I am a Spanish teacher living in Florida.

  3. Dear Stephanie, I work with your wonderful mother at Sarah J. Anderson. When I asked about how you were doing today, information about your blogsite came up, and I asked her if she would share it with me. I loved “meeting” you, Tom, and Malou through your video and words. Best wishes for a lovely vacation, for a blessed Christmas season, and for the future to come!

    Marna Hopkins

  4. Hi Steph and Tom, I see you are in Belize now. I hope you are finding some peace and are able to distract yourselves from some of the pain (at least temporarily). You are in our thoughts. If you do find yourselves with a couple of hours when you return, call or email us. We are here for you and would love to spend a dinner or night out together. 🙂

    Love,
    Julie & Jason

  5. hi! you know me… my name is carrie tengler stuart. i got to spend some fabulous time with you in belize when you lived here 5 years ago. much has changed now… we’ve grown up and learned a lot. we’ve gotten married, you’ve been pregnant and given birth to a beautiful girl who no longer graces the earth with her presence, and now… we’re both trying to get pregnant. fingers crossed my love. i love you so much. thanks for this. as much as it’s therapy for you, selfishly, it is for me too.

  6. Dear Stephanie, I too work with your mother and have heard her share your story. Marna, who wrote earlier shared this site with me. I am touched by your strength, but mostly by your sharing your journey of incredible love. I shared a story with your mother about my sister who still grieves the loss of her first son nearly 36 years ago. Unlike you, she was not able to hold him and touch him. He was wisked away born at seven and a half months. She still celebrates his birthday and his memory and is the wonderful mother of 3 children. I hope for you and Tom siblings for Malou. I am honored to have read your blog and shared your video. You have touched heart. Marianne Anderson

  7. Thanks to everyone who has written here! It is fun to read, and interesting to hear how my mom’s friends came to the site.

    Marianne, I’d like to post your nephew’s name in my In Memory Of section, if you’d like to share. That is so special that your sister celebrates his birthday each year. I would love to hear more about what she does.

  8. Hi! I’m one of Stephanie’s best friends. Steph – who could’ve imagined that nearly 10 years from our Reggio’s coffee catch-ups in Spain we’d both be living in foreign lands! I miss you and I hate I can’t come over and give you a hug. This blog helps me stay updated on your thoughts and life; I love it! You have always been so honest and sincere, and your blog is a good relfection of that. Love always, Tammy

  9. Hey Stephanie…I first saw your beautiful video of your precious Malou on OneTrueMedia back in November and started my own blog then too…just wanted to come over and tell you that there are many many people whose lives have been touched by your Malou…myself being one.
    I hope you feel comforted that you are not alone in your grief.
    I love your blog, by the way.

    ebe

  10. I just found you. You are my people. My twin boys died at 18 and 22 weeks in March and April. Just like you, I’m fighting my way back. My blog is http://www.survivingbaby.wordpress.com

    Martha

  11. Martha and Ebe, a warm welcome. But I’m sorry we have to “meet” under such circumstances. I really enjoy both of your blogs. It is always comforting to read other people’s words as well.

  12. Well we have been friends since 3rd grade and I would have never imagined where life would have taken both of us. Through ups and downs we have been together and I know that we always will be. Even though we are a world apart, you are always in my thoughts and I know that this is one of those downs that you will survive. Of course I’ll be waiting for you on the other side! Love B

  13. Hey Stephanie! We’re so excited for you. Can’t wait to hear what happens next. Many prayers are with you guys right now! Love and miss you…

  14. Hi!
    This is my first ever Blog. Blogging is very new… and a bit strange to me, so please be patient with your soon-to-retire (yeah!) Dad.

    Stephanie, you and Tom have been continuously in my thoughts this past week, and I am so hopeful (and optimistic) you will succeed in becoming parents. I really am confident you will become pregnant, and if not this time, then sometime this year. Keep your spirits up as you traverse the future, and know that you and Tom have a lot of positive supporters in this vast world. We are summing our energy to help you successfully become the outstanding parents you so anxiously want to be… and our world’s future needs.

    On another note, I am nearly finished recording Malou’s song, and at some point (3 months?) will have your brother Zach post it on YouTube for you to see and hear. At that point, I can begin a new song for Malou’s brother or sister! (Let’s see, a brother would be nice, then you could consider his middle name to be Harry!)

    I love you so much, and as always… when I think of you and Tom so far away… with tears in my eyes,
    Dad

  15. Hi Dad, and welcome! I can’t imagine I will have to be very patient with you and blogging, considering you’re better with computers than me. 🙂

    I can’t wait to post Malou’s song here!

    I love you,
    Stephanie

  16. Hi Stephanie,

    I am a friend of your Mom’s and also grew up with her friend Colette. Colette and I went to Our Lady of Lourdes together, picked berries and beans and are LIFE LONG FRIENDS. I watched your video of your Sweet Malou and cried and ached for you and your husband Tom. She will be Forever loved and missed by one and all. Thank you for sharing your LOVE & life with us. I was at my nieces wedding in Woodenville Washington and met a Dr. from the East Coast to was interviewing for a job at Providence Hospital. He is a Gynocologist and I shared your website with him so he can pass on to other young women who might be in need. He mentions it happens more than people know. I am also passing your website on to my co-worker whose daughter Jordan also lost a little girl Bella at six months of pregnancy. The baby had heart problems and she had to go through the birth process and also funeral. I am sending you love and blessings and hope I have comforted you in some small way. Always a Friend, Molly

  17. Hi Molly,

    Thanks for your kind message. It’s always nice to have comments and see who’s reading. My mom told me you had seen the video and sent a lovely email.
    Perhaps we will meet when I am in the US.

    -Stephanie
    PS I will put little Bella in my In Memory Of page.

  18. HI Tom and Steph…My name is Darby Glen and I met your mom a few years ago when I came to volunteer at SJA. So of course we share “kid stories” together and that is how I came to know her and you and all the Smiths! My heart ached after I asked your mom about her grand baby and her arrival. After having suffered loss in my life it seems like I just feel others pain too. I don’t for long because I just couldn’t bear it but I want you to know I care ALOT. I will pray for you through this “new pregnancy” and try my best to keep up with your blog. I have alot of cool ideas for celebrating Malou’s life and will share them later. I must get to the school for my lunch buddies now, but I will be back. I am here for you!! Hope to meet you someday when you come to the states. I have connections to Denmark as my great grandparents came from Odense. Love, Hugs and prayers! Darby 🙂

  19. Hej med dig Darby. Wow, my mom sure has a lot of nice friends from SJA. 🙂 It’s nice of you to check in. I remember my mom has mentioned you and the Danish connection.
    I’ll look forward to seeing you back here (and hearing your ideas for Malou’s birthday).
    -Stephanie

  20. Hello,
    I really love the way you write. I’m so sorry you lost your sweet Malou. I lost my Ella in March at 23 weeks. I find myself reading these blogs for hours- sometimes all night. Its nice to connect with others who share my pain.
    Bree

  21. Hi Bree,
    I’m sorry about your Ella. (I love that name – we thought about it for Malou.)
    I think we all wish we could do something to help other people’s pain, but sometimes the best way is to just share how we feel and so we all know we’re not alone.
    Hang in there,
    Stephanie

  22. Hi Stephanie and Tom,
    We think of you often and our special visit to Denmark. Our thoughts and prayers are with you this week as you approach your sweet Malou’s birthday and as you prepare yourself for the possibilities the future may hold with the help of these doctors this week.
    Love,
    Cynthia

  23. I just wanted to let you know I watched Malou’s video today. What a beautiful tribute to your daughter. She was precious. Thank you for sharing the love you have for Malou with us.

  24. I just came across your blog and I have spend the last three hours reading all the beautiful posts and seeing how your words touch the hearts of all of us. I cried my eyes out watching Malou’s video, what a tribute! Thank you for introducing her to the world and let us enjoy some images of her precious life. Malou is a very fortunate little girl to have all this love around her and she will always be in our hearts. I am sure she is in heaven feeling so proud of her loving parents and taking care of her little sibling.
    I can’t stop thinking of my little baby that I never got to see and how much it meant to me your thoughful present (one of the best presents I have ever received) and to talk to you. THANK YOU!

  25. Hi Sandra! How nice to “see” you here. Thanks for your lovely message.
    See you soon,
    Steph

  26. I just stumbled through. My name is April and we have just suffered the loss of our second child, who we nicknamed “Blumpy”. His birth story has been posted on my blog, if you would like to read it.

  27. Hi April. I just read your blog and I am so very sorry for your losses. Big hug to you.

  28. Hi!
    I lost my first child as well, unexplained stillbirth at 41 weeks December 24th, 2007. We are not 24 weeks pregnant with a daughter and I was in search for loss mama’s also going through a subsequent pregnancy.

  29. Hi Jaime. It sounds like we are in the same place now – I am 23.5 weeks. I’m so sorry about your little boy Evan. Looking forward to reading your blog.

  30. I just read Malou’s birth story and watched your video. The tears are still streaming down my face. Your journey as tragic as it is, is so well documented. Your daughter is beautiful. My stomach still turns at the sight of such a small casket and to watch it all on such a well documented video was just like watching it happen in real life. Watching your husband on the journey as well, I don’t even know how to describe it….. watching him carry his first born child in a casket out of the church and then later bury her remains, I couldn’t even imagine the strength that you have found in each other to make it through this journey. You have touched my heart and soul and I ache for you.

  31. Thank you for introducing yourself, Patricia. Your comment warms my heart as I like to think Malou has impacted you too.
    Stephanie

  32. You are a wonderful writer- thank you for sharing. I lost my firstborn daughter, Lindsay Anne, on July 15, 1982. Since then, I have had 2 daughters and a son- and 2 years ago a granddaughter. It is indeed a journey- you never forget.

  33. Hi Linda. Thank you for commenting and I’m so sorry for your loss of your firstborn daughter. I am going to add Lindsay’s name to my In Memory Of page.

  34. Hi Stepanie-
    I think we went to high school together. Your blog was linked to Stacey’s, that’s how I started reading it. I am so so sorry for your loss, and very excited for the arrival of your little boy. I have 3 kids now, ranging from 5 years to 8 months. My 5 year old was born at 34 weeks, I had really high blood pressure. I was so very worried about her being born so early. She ended up being a very healthy little tiny girl at 3.5 lbs, she came home 3 weeks later weighing 4 lbs, you’d never know it now. I had a miscarriage early on with my second pregnancy, that was really difficult to handle, like you said it doesn’t matter the age of your child, it hurts no matter what, I still remember that day. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Kareena

  35. Hi Kareena. Thanks for checking in. It’s always nice to see who’s reading. Pregnancy sure isn’t as easy as it seems in the movies, is it?? Glad you’re daughter is doing ok now. Thanks for sharing.
    Stephanie

  36. Stephanie, I have commented several times on your wonderful blog. I am Polish/Australian living in Poland. If you are interested, I have recently started a blog on motherhood: raising2cuties.blogspot.com 🙂

  37. Hi Anna,

    I’ve wondered who the “Polish poster” was 🙂 – thanks for introducing yourself. I look foward to reading your blog.

    Stephanie

  38. Hello smol familj,

    Stephanie, you write from your heart and it jumps off the page into the readers heart. Your Liam is a true viking! He’s looking like his Far, but I also see his Mor in him too…..maybe the double chin and cheeks can be attributed to his Grampa! 🙂 What fun it must have been to have your Mom and Dad with you for a whole week.

    Just wanted to drop a line and tell you I’m listening. Mimi’s rosary beads are in use here for baby Malou. She was so loved (and still is!)

    Time does go by way too fast. Liam will be asking for the car keys in like a……….week!

    kusin Teresa

  39. Dear Stephanie,
    I came across your website through a german family portal (eltern.de). I was posting there since I’m expecting my first child- a girl. I’m now in my 35. week and I cried all through your video, couldn’t stop caressing my belly and the kicking baby inside. I can’t possibly imagine the immense grief and devastation the death of your little daughter had brought to you and your family. But also I very understand your feeling, that you would do all over again just for another minute with her. I wish you and your family the best for the future!
    Greetings from germany,
    Anna

  40. Hi Anna,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to introduce yourself. I hope and pray you have a smooth delivery and your little girl arrives safely, as I am sure she will. You have a lot of good things to look forward to!

    Stephanie

  41. Hi Stephanie,
    I also came across the german website Eltern.de, where I found your Video. I cried a lot while looking this video. My husband an I lost our son also still, 3rd March 2007, it was Week 22. He was so small and tiny and so sweet. He lies in my grandma´s grave, she died in February 2006. We will never forget him. We only have got 2 pictures and I often look at them and I always have to cry……
    In June 2008 we had the honor to get another son and he`s our sunshine.
    I wish all the best to you and your family. I will always think and remember on malou.
    Lovely greetings from germany (and I hope You could understand my english 😉 )
    Bine

  42. Hi Bine. Thank you for commenting. I am so sorry for the loss of your firstborn son. It is lovely to think that he is buried with his great-grandma.
    I’m happy for you that you, too, have a 2nd son to brighten your days.
    xo
    Stephanie

  43. Hi Stephanie,
    I recently lost my daughter at 36 weeks and am having such a difficult time. Your blog is absolutely wonderful, you and your family are so beautiful and it really gives me some hope. I am looking forward to the day that it doesn’t hurt so much. I find everyone is pregnant now and for some reason it is like a knife stabbing me in the heart. I am just constantly hurt by everything and everyone and I promise I wasn’t like this before I lost angel Ella. Any advice?!

  44. Dear Julie,

    I am so sorry to hear your baby Ella died. I will add her name to my In Memory Of page (I will write Ella unless you want me to use her full name or something else – then just tell me, ok?).

    Hmmm….I will try to give you some advice and commiseration, but of course, everyone is different so you can take it or leave it.

    I certainly understand the feeling of being stabbed in the heart, especially when seeing other pregnant people. I remember, it seemed as if they were EVERYWHERE after Malou died and actually, even before, when we were struggling to conceive her. I was also quite judgmental…i.e. it infuriated me if I saw a pregnant person doing anything from smoking to crossing the street without looking both ways. I promised myself, the universe, God, that I would be so worthy if only I could be so lucky as to get pregnant and not have to bury another baby. I often say that grief doesn’t bring out the best in me. However, I try to make sure that Malou brings out the best in me. And by that, I mean that I give myself permission to grieve, whenever and however I need to, but I also try to find joy and happiness and just continue to live, in order to live for Malou.

    In the first few months, just getting up and getting out of the house was an accomplishment. Some days I couldn’t. Some days all I could do was cry. And I think that’s ok. You can never get over the death of your baby, but you can, eventually, move forward with life, but only if you have let youself grieve (in my opinion). And that means that somedays you stay in bed all day.

    I spent a LOT of time creating Malou’s video. It was very healing for me. I cried and cried but I also was able to look at every single picture I had of her (and of me pregnant) and put words to it. I spent so much time just loving Malou and thinking about her while making that video…it really helped me in my sorrow.

    I eventually started this blog, which gave me a lot of support, both from “strangers” who have been there but also from family and friends who didn’t really know how I was feeling or how to help me until they read my words. At about the same time, I also started seeing a counselor. She didn’t help me too much, so I switched to another one, and she has helped me a lot.

    I still miss Malou and grieve for what should have been, but over 2 years later, I can honestly say that I am more happy than I am sad. And I can, most days, think of Malou with a smile. I didn’t ever think I would get to a place in my life where I could say that, but it happened, little by little. I wish the same for you.

    xoxo
    Stephanie

    PS My cousin wrote a comment on my 5-18-09 post, which also helped me…maybe it will resonate with you? So I will just recap what she wrote and say that you still have a life ahead of you, a life that is not doomed with sadness for eternity, and you will learn how to let your world accept joy again. It is hard, but it can and will happen.

  45. Dear Stephanie,
    I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it! I am so happy for you and am looking forward to the day that I can say the same for myself.
    Reading your post made me think that actually grieving just may bring the best out of you. I get the feeling that you are an extremely loving and kind person and the fact that you may feel any ‘negative’ emotions just makes you more human and more strong. Now if I can only start applying that to myself!!
    Thanks for your a advice,
    Julie

  46. Hi Stephanie,

    I stumbled across your blog and I am so glad I did. I have thought of you and your family often since learning your story. The photos of Malou (love her name) are simply beautiful and her video is the most profound, loving, and heart-wrenching thing I have ever watched. I am so moved by your love for Malou and Liam. Every child should be so lucky as to have a mom like you. If/when my chance comes, I hope I will be half the mother you are. The love and support you offer to others even as you deal with your own grief is astounding. You are amazing.

    I am so very sorry for your loss of Malou. I think of her often and it breaks my heart to think of all that you are missing without her there with you. She is loved and remembered by many, both near and far (in my case, far.)

  47. Dear Kate,

    Thanks for letting me know you’re listening. Your kind message means a lot to me. It helps to know that Malou is remembered and loved – and that her short life touched people she didn’t even know.

    Stephanie

  48. Hi Stepanie,
    We lost our little girl November 19th, 2010. I was 22 weeks the day she was born/died. I’m sooo glad to have found this site. I keep looking back to when people were 2 months past the day they lost their babies to see what they were feeling, and to reassure myself that I’m not losing my mind!
    Anyway, just wanted to say hi.

  49. Oh, Sherri, I am so sorry for your loss. I remember desperately searching other people’s blogs too, looking for how they felt when they were at the same point I was. The first few months are so hard. Not that any of it is easy, but living in that limbo until your due date, and trying to understand and accept – if that’s even possible – the loss of all your dreams for your daughter…it’s just so hard.

    Whatever you are feeling, I know you aren’t losing your mind. Even if you feel like it sometimes. That just means your a normal, grieving mother.

    I would be honored to add your daughter’s name to my In Memory Of page, if you’d like me to. Otherwise, I will just remember her in my heart.

    Take care.
    Stephanie

  50. That would mean a lot to me. Her name is Kristen Eva Ralph. She came to meet us November 19th 2010, and then she was gone. Thank you for your kind words, and understanding.
    Malou was very lucky to have you, and your video is such a beautiful testament to her time with you and your husband. I’m deeply sorry for your loss as well.

  51. What a pretty name! I just added her name. xo

  52. Hi steph, its been a year since i lost my almost three year old son lennon in a horrible accident. I will post the the link to my blog so yiu can read the full story if u like. I often have difficulties falling asleep so i browse the internet for stories of loss and grief to somehow make sense from these tragedies. Before the accidednt i too assumed that tragedies just happen to other people, but now i too am one of the mothers who know what real loss feels like. It’s just awful. I never thought that i’d be able to live with such pain, but i suppose we dont have many options. I am sending u Love and strength and i so hope that one day we are reunited with our angels x

  53. Hi Nadja,
    I have been on holiday and didn’t see your comment right away but I want you to know how much your beautiful Lennon has touched me. I am so sorry for your enormous loss. I know it does nothing to change your pain, but I am going to post Lennon’s name in my In Memory Of page, to let you know that I will think of him and remember him too.
    xo
    Stephanie

  54. Hi Stephanie,
    On April 28, 2011 I gave birth to an Angel, her name is Bela and she was so precious to me. She still is. I too have unknown causes at 35 weeks. The doctor’s in Belize say the plane took too long to get me out of the island. I love this blog! I can’t find the words to keep going sometimes. My friends tell me that they are here for me. That they are here for me but when I talk to them, it’s like they do not understand why after six months I can’t get over this hurt and pain. It’s like for them, it’s yesterday’s news. Everytime, I hear them complaining about their lives I get really upset since they don’t know how to appreciate how blessed they have been. I miss my baby and wish I could have her in my arms.
    Thank you for keeping Malou here with us and for sharing your story.

  55. Dear Blanca,
    I am so sorry to hear that you also lost your precious daughter Bela. You probably know Belize holds a special place in my heart,
    6 months is NOTHING in the scheme of things, it is just a blink of an eye (even though time drags) when you are grieving. Time does, in my opinion, help lessen the sharpness of grief, but things are still way too fresh at 6 months to realize it.
    I remember being very angry that it seemed like people could just move on with their lives…I didn’t understand how small complaints or even small joys were worth talking about. I didn’t think people should complain about ANYTHING if they still had their baby in their arms, and yet it also made me irritated when they seemed to get joy from simple pleasures. None of it held any meaning for me. It has taken me years to realize that it is just a part of being human and to regain my own appreciation for small pleasures AND tolerance for human complaining.
    My only advice for you is to just feel what you are feeling – no need to filter or hold back or push yourself to move forward right now.
    Let me know if you want to chat over email.
    xo
    Stephanie
    PS I am going to add Bela’s name to my In Memory Of page.

  56. Hi Steph,
    Thank you!
    You already have my email. Please email me so I can have yours too.
    Blanca

  57. I am sorry for the typing errors regarding the lost love of a teen daughter i was typing from a tablet and the keyboard is not reliable. I hope you can decipher the message i was trying to convey. I am Melodys Mom. My name is Mayra. I need prayers. Please pray that my estranged daughter shows at least a little bit of affection towards her loving mom. Thank you.

  58. Dear Stephanie,

    I work with you wonderful mother at Sarah J Anderson and we sit and talk about our families. She has mentioned you experience and your blog with me. It is such a beautiful tribute and legacy for your little Malou and her little brothers. God has placed this most special of spirits in your hands so that you could help others with your amazing story . She is yours forever!
    All the blessings to you and you beautiful little family,

  59. Dear Allison,

    Thanks so much for your message. It’s nice to hear from people who read the blog and I always love the thought of new people getting to “know” Malou. 🙂

    Stephanie

  60. Hi Stephanie,

    My name is Erin, and my son Brady was born 7 weeks ago at 22 weeks. I watched your daughter’s video, and found myself seeing my story in yours. Although my husband and I only had a few hours with Brady, he is and always will be our firstborn angel. Thank you for sharing your story, and for giving moms hope.

    Erin

  61. Dear Erin,

    I am so sorry to hear that your son Brady died. It must have been so heartwrenching to hold him knowing that he couldn’t stay. I imagine those few hours will give you memories that will last a lifetime, but oh how I wish he were still here with you.

    It makes me glad to hear that reading my story can give you hope. Hope can be hard to hold on to when you are in the throes of grief.

    Take care and sending you a big hug,
    Stephanie

    (I just added Brady’s name to my In Memory Of page)

  62. Dear Stephanie,

    your blog and your video on your beautiful daughter is so beautiful!

    We lost on 30/10/2008 in 32.Schwangerschaftswoche our daughter Sophie-Marie. In November 2009 our son was born and came in January 2011, then our second Son. Our daughter is also missing after the 5 years.

    Lots of love

    Stefanie from Germany

  63. Dear Stefanie,

    I’m sorry I haven’t responded to your comment before, and I am so sorry for the loss of your precious girl.

    I’m sorry to hear about our similar circumstances (even down to our name!) – but how wonderful we have two sons each now.

    I will keep you and Sophie-Marie in my thoughts – I have added her name to my In Memory Of page as well.

    Lots of love,
    Stephanie


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