7 years down

7 years ago

Malou Amelia

was born.

I remember back then

getting to know of people who had survived

the stillbirth of their child

and not being able to imagine

myself

so far out.

I couldn’t see that time would march on

and life would go on

and joy would return.

It just wasn’t comprehensible.

And now here I am.

I have survived.

My daughter died.

I lost two small babies-in-the-making.

I birthed two healthy boys.

I lost my marriage.

I found love again.

What do they say?

What doesn’t kills you, makes you stronger?

I don’t love cliches

but there is a bit of truth I think in this one.

Some things you want to kill you

but they don’t.

Some things you don’t want to learn from

but you do.

Sometimes you want life to move faster

to escape the pain

– or move backwards

to find happiness again.

But life just keeps going on

at its same steady pace.

We have no choice.

Our only choice is to keep

waking up

&

breathing

and slowly but surely

the amazing spirit of life

pushes us on

and with some luck

life becomes good again.

I wish that for all of my fellow babyloss mamas

and all of the people I know right now

who are living through their own

tragedies.

We all have them.

Some of us luck out a little more than others

but none of us can deny that

Life is hard.

It has its trials.

It ends.

But it can also be

so so sweet.

One of the sweetest blessings in my life

is my daughter.

Happy birthday, to my beautiful, silent daughter. I hope you are looking down from somewhere peaceful and you see how many people in this world love you. I can’t wait to see you some day, but wait I will. 7 years down…I promise I will live each year until I see you with joy and love and adventure and I will take you along in my heart wherever I go until we meet again.

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Published in: on May 28, 2015 at 09:00  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It is so good to hear from you, and to see your perspective shifting as time does its unavoidable thing. I love your idea of the “amazing spirit of life” – and am grateful to read these words. xo

  2. Yes, 7 years down the track. In one way it seems just like yesterday that our little angel, Malou died an a part of us died too then sometimes it seems so long ago. Time does not change my love for you and I imagine you a happy little girl smiling down taking in life from a different point of view. With love xx

  3. Liz, it’s nice to hear from you too. xxx

    And thank you, Carolyn, for always having a thoughtful word and remembering Malou with me.


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