Life goes on

I still miss
Malou
every day.

I still think about her
every day.

Sometimes
I think it must look
as if my life has gone on,
and of course it has.

But it is not the same.
It is not the life
I dreamed of, wished for.

I miss her so much,
it hurts.
I have a type of acceptance
that lets me experience happiness
but
Malou
is always missing.

Always.

Sometimes it is so exhausting.

To know that my life will never
be how I want it.

No matter how good it is,
and it is good.

Don’t get me wrong.

I am so grateful
for what I have.

But I just don’t understand
why I can’t have my daughter
with me.

That doesn’t seem like too much to ask for.

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Published in: on September 8, 2010 at 09:43  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Steph… I feel your pain! I know that Gabe is watching over me and of course I always wonder why?? and what life would be like if he was here! It would be so different, maybe even Dan would have stayed here with me for a bit longer! Oh how unfair it is sometimes! Why does God take away so much.. something so precious???

  2. “I have a type of acceptance that lets me experience happiness.”

    So perfect and true.

    I wish things were so different for us. Or, exactly the same as they are now – just with our girls here. Surely not too much to ask.
    xo


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