Are you moving, baby?

I could just as easily say

Are you alive, baby?

Two thoughts
that were never far from my mind
when I was pregnant with

Never far from
any babyloss mama’s mind
in a subsequent pregnancy,
I am sure.

Days and nights
filled with the nagging worry
and horrible thought…

Is today the day
I am going to lose my baby?

Sounds morbid,
I know,
but it is there.
It is a hard way
to live for
the many weeks
it takes to carry
a baby…

but it is so worth it.

Something else that I have found
is worth it
(at least for me)

is the movement sensory baby monitor
I just bought.
this acts like a normal baby monitor
but will also sound an alarm
if your baby doesn’t move
for more than 20 seconds
(and is therefore, presumably,
not breathing).

this is the perfect gadget
to prey on a parent’s biggest fear.

Tom thought I was crazy
and would make myself even crazier,
but when I found out I could buy it
and return it
if I didn’t like it
(even if it was opened)
I was sold.

My main worry
was that the sensor
would be too sensitive
and would sound the alarm unnecessarily.

But so far
that has not happened once.

I LOVE it.

Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night
I can see a little light flashing,
which indicates Liam is moving.

No more
waiting with baited breath
every single time
I wake up
to make sure Liam is okay
(I always listen for his breathing…
but since he sometimes sleeps so deeply
that I can’t hear anything,
I often have to get up and put my ear
right to his mouth…
and one memorable night
I actually had to wake him up
to calm my fears).

Well, okay, I still do that.
Listen, that is…

but that momentary wait
isn’t filled with the same
horrible fear…

So I am really happy with the monitor.

And yes,
I realize SIDS is most common
from months 1-6
and Liam turns 6 months tomorrow…

but if I have my wish,
my little guy will be sleeping with it
until he leaves for college.

Perhaps it will be a good way
to ensure he doesn’t sneak out at night
when he is a teenager. 😉

a baby with a face this
sweet and innocent
would never do anything like that,

Published in: on July 29, 2010 at 07:01  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh my goodness, what a beautiful child. I am sure you must get stopped in the street.
    I have one too and I love it. I still worry endlessly and check her breathing, but it offers me some reassurance.

  2. You know, we have one of those but I couldn’t use it. My stupid, post babyloss rationale was that if it went off (and they commonly get false alarms I have heard) I might have had a heart attack in the panic. Angus is 8 months now, so in to the “safer” zone (knocking on wood as I type that) so I don’t rush in to his room to check him as much as I used to.
    And OH MY GOD! How adorable! He’s so much like my little man, with piercing blue eyes.
    I want to squish him through the internets.

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