Who knew?

One of the many hard things
to deal with
in losing
Malou
is accepting that
although she is so real to us,

because she is real,

she is not to many others.

Only a few people got to see
her precious face in person,
touch her delicate hands,
whisper their love to her…

and only 3 family members got to hold her.

Her mama, daddy and grandma.

It is a fear of mine,
that she will be forgotten…
as if she never existed.

There are so few memories…
especially for those of you
who never met her.

But then when
Malou’s
brother was born,
I realized just how much
you all love her.

How can I tell?

I can tell by how spoiled Liam is.

I know the feeling…
I shower him with extra love and attention,
kisses and cuddles,
because I can’t do that for
Malou.

I see the same
in the lovingly picked-out gifts
from family and friends,
from the thoughtful cards,
the heartfelt hugs and congratulations…
the excitement and love
from so many people around the world,
even people I have never met.

I know you all wanted this
just as much as me.

You love
Malou
and you love
Liam
and the only way to show it
is to love
Liam even more.

Thank you.

***

We’re on our way to the
USA
this morning
for Liam’s
first trip to his
“other home.”

I look forward to seeing everyone
and finally showing off
my baby.

Malou
was due in July 2008.
We bought
plane tickets to the USA
about on 1 week
before she died…
we were planning on visiting
her American family
when she was 4 months old…
just the same age
Liam is now.

But this time,
even though I try not to be
superstitious,
we didn’t buy our tickets
until after Liam was born.

I absolutely cannot wait
to introduce Liam
to his relatives
in the USA
and my heart is full
of so much excitement and hope
and gratitude right now…

but I was thinking the other night,
that no matter how happy I am,
no matter how good life is now,
Malou
is always missing,
and a piece of my heart
is always broken.

And it tires me
to think that for the rest of my life,
there will always be a part of me
that is
sad.

I love you so much, my darling girl!
You are always with us in heart and mind.

Advertisements

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://wednesdayswithmalou.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/who-knew/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I know exactly what you mean. Enjoy the trip back home. You deserve to have a beautiful time. They will all simply adore Liam.
    xo

  2. Enjoy your trip!

    You deserve this moment so much. I understand you so well. I love my life, even though just six months have passed after my dear Inés died. I love living. But I also know that my heart is and will always be missing a piece.

    Thinking of Malou and Inés

    Cheers from Mexico!

  3. I am sure you are all having a great time at “home” with Liam (and Malou in your heart). I will never forget Malou and the time leading up to her birth and afterwards. It is still very raw in my heart so I can only imagine how it is in yours. Yes, spoil Liam, sometimes with diciplin) and shower him with all the love that surroiunds him. I look forward to meeting him in the not too distant future. This is my aim now. Take care, all of you.
    Love,
    Carolyn


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: