*New Year*

My birthday was yesterday
and I had a really great day.

Two years ago
I was pregnant with
Malou
and now I am pregnant with
her brother.

One year ago
(as I turned the big 3-0)
I struggled
because I had only imagined
that day with
Malou
in it.

I had a good time celebrating,
but the shadow of grief
was behind me.

This year I didn’t feel that.
I stopped by
Malou’s
grave
before going out with Tom
and I gave her some of the flowers
from the beautiful bouquet
my mom sent me.

I was alone
and started to cry a bit,
and suddenly the sky lit up with
fireworks,
which as you may know
remind me of
Malou.

We buried her on
the 4th of July,
my little Danish-American girl,
and so now when I see fireworks
I think of her.

It was perfect timing.
Who could imagine
that in a quiet neighborhood
near a church
that such a huge backyard firework display
would go on?

So I stopped crying,
and left to meet Tom.

We went to Tivoli,
a beautiful old amusement park in Copenhagen,
and walked around enjoying the
Christmas festivities.

And suddenly there was a
“boom”
and the
fireworks display started!

This one wasn’t a surprise,
but it was really beautiful.

From there,
we walked to one of our
favorite restaurants
and had a delicious dinner
and talked about our future.

And tried to decide on baby boy names.

It is scary to hope too much,
but I know it won’t make the fall
any harder if,
God please forbid,
we lose BB too.

So I am trying to focus
on the good
and believe that
our precious son
will arrive safely.

It feels almost too good to be true.

Since my recent hospital stay,
I’m using the doppler
more than usual,
so I hope I can start to relax again
and enjoy these last 4 or so weeks
of carrying my son.

I will keep you updated.

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Published in: on December 30, 2009 at 20:55  Leave a Comment  
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