Thoughts from 39,000 feet in the air

After nearly 22 hours of travel
I am back home in Denmark.

It’s great to see Tom
but I’m always sad to leave
my family and friends.

On the plane
I watched the movie
My Sister’s Keeper
and,
although I did read the book
so I should have known better,
that was a mistake.

I could barely keep my tears
under control.

Last year,
I could read things like that
without it upsetting me so much.

I think perhaps because
I was grieving so hard
that all the tears and emotion
were spent on
Malou.

Now I have a little leftover to give,
but I still shouldn’t have seen
a movie
about a girl, a daughter, a sister,
dying.

The thought is just unbearable for me,
losing
Malou,
and knowing that so many parents
lose their children
in so many tragic ways
every day.

Another part of today’s plane trip
that reminded me of
Malou
was Delta’s solicitation
for donation to
finding a cure for breast cancer.

Now,
this is definitely a cause I support.

And obviously,
a lot of other people do so as well,
and there is a lot of focus on it nowadays.

But it made me think,
when will stillbirth become an issue
that the world fights together?

When will we find a cure
for stillbirth?

Google tells me
400,000 people die from breast cancer each year,
but 2 million babies are stillborn
(and that number doesn’t include
SIDS).

Stillbirth is definitely
the silent killer…
grief stifles the parents
and “courtesy” silences the friends
who don’t want to mention it.

And of course
our darling babies
can’t speak for themselves.

But the whole world
is losing out
on a generation
of people
who deserve to live.

There IS a reason
they are dying.

Even when the autopsy
says their isn’t.

I don’t know what to do
but I want to do more.

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Published in: on October 7, 2009 at 20:22  Comments (8)  
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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh my goodness, I’m always going on about this. How can we do this? How can we change the world’s view on this? Of course finding a cure for breast cancer is vitally important and we shouldn’t stop our efforts – we all know someone who has had it, but what about our babies? And so many more of them are dying. There is something very wrong with this picture.
    You’re not alone in your thoughts. Just wish I knew what we could do and where we could start. Often we’re ignored as we’re passed off as “grief-striken, crazy mothers”.
    We’ll get there, one day.

  2. I know it may seem like a small thing, but I think that you are helping this cause and the awareness of it in a big way, just by you writing this blog. You’re touching so many people and so many lives. I know its not the same thing you experience on a day to day (minute by minute) scale, but you have made us all so much more aware of not only who Malou is, but also the awful world of stillbirth. I’m sure there is more you want to do everyday, but I think you’re amazing for what you have done so far. I hope more scientists, more people keep working on this and trying to find out the reasons why. But I think you (and all the other parents who have lost a child this way) are doing something very important just by talking about it.

  3. I loved that book too. I haven’t seen the movie yet, for the same reason, not sure if I can handle all that sadness now with so much of it in my own life. I agree. I don’t understand why stillbirth isn’t publicized more. I have the same feelings towards childhood cancers. I feel like breast cancer gets so much publicity, but it was barely mentioned that last month was childhood cancer month and that October 15th is pregnancy loss awareness day. Glad you’re home safe. Hope you’ve checked out Malou’s butterfly on my site. 🙂

  4. You make an excellent point. I definitely wasn’t aware of the magnitude of the issue until you had to go through it 😦 Keely is right that you are making a difference, but I understand that you want to do more…I will keep thinking, and I look forward to hearing your ideas too! Love you.

  5. Great you are home again after a lovely time with your family and friends. Your thoughts are correct. I am sure there will be further advancement on stillbirth research just as happened in the breast cancer area. Many people ask “WHY?” We all do, whether or not it has affected us personally. I am sure we all know people that have had this tragedy in their lives therefore it does affect us all in some way. I too want to see that movie but have not been able to so far. I know I will cry too but that is because we are “human” .-) Look forward to seeing you soon.
    BIG hugs

  6. Thank you so much for Malou’s butterfly, Bree! It is beautiful and you are so thoughtful and kind.

  7. Thanks for all your comments, ladies. And especially you, Amber, as of course I was thinking about you during this flight too, and while writing this post (I didn’t want to hurt your feelings).
    And, for the record, I am glad to have so many friends who aren’t afraid to talk about Malou.
    Love to you all.

  8. My dearest Stephanie, you didn’t hurt my feelings one bit! You are so sweet to even be worried. I love you lots!


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