*Signs*

I was feeling down this weekend,
and didn’t know what to do.

I’m out of practice
at feeling this down.

I was wondering around
our small house,
looking at my mementoes
and the photo album of
Malou,
and for some reason,
reached into my pocket.

And pulled out
11 pink stickers
that spelled
M A L O U  A M E L I A

Did she know I was thinking of her,
and wanted to send me a sign
that she was okay?

I’d like to think so.

You see,
these were maternity jeans,
that I have just started wearing again.

I had them when I was pregnant with
Malou,
but I didn’t wear them once I gave birth.

They haven’t fit until recently.

I remember using these stickers
when I made this sign last year:

Malou's Burial 025
but I certainly wasn’t wearing
those jeans,
as they were way too big.

***

Later, Tom and I went for a drive
(to the hospital for a heartbeat check,
which I thought my give me a
much-needed boost, as well as
calm my worrying mind)
and on our way there,
in a blue sky,
was a rainbow.

I don’t call our new little one
our “rainbow baby”
but that is a common term
for people who are lucky enough
to get pregnant again after a stillbirth.

As in, the baby is the rainbow
after the storm.

So was this a sign from our new little one
that s/he is okay?

Maybe so,
because the doppler picked up
nice, strong kicks,
as well as a beautiful beating heart.

My heart feels full
at how much I love my babies,
and how they manage
to show me their love.

Somehow,
I feel like
Malou
and
Baby #2
are connected.

I’ve always felt the womb
was as close to heaven
as you could get
with a beating heart,
and so maybe my two little ones
are working together.

That’s a nice thought.

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Published in: on September 2, 2009 at 19:43  Comments (7)  
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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I think our first and second babies are connected before. They are intimately sharing the same space, only months apart. No one else knows us like they do.

  2. Don’t know what that “before” was in there for. I hope I made sense!

  3. What a wonderful and peaceful thought about the 2 syblings working together. So comforting and loving. Fun seeing you on the computer this past weekend…you look totally preggers. I love it!!!!!

  4. What a great post. I think all the “signs” are meant to be: meant to give you positive thoughts and hope and help ypu relax a little and try to enjoy this pregnancy. Even getting into those jeans, that is very positive. Of course your babies are connected, they both have the same fantastic parents:-) I am sure they are working together to bring you and Tom the happiness you both deserve. I think we will see more rainbows over the next couple of days. I wi8ll look for them and say “Hi” to Malou and she will send my love to your baby and you. Just you wait and see!!
    Hugs.

  5. oh steph,
    you brought tears to my eyes. so sweet. i do think your sweet malou likely chose this next little one. i fully think siblings are connected through their mama’s womb. i also like to imagine malou and my charlie are friends and have had many conversations about their moms. wouldn’t that be sweet? you’re amazing and so strong. i love you so much and miss you. thank you for always posting from your heart. i read every week, wishing i could reach out and hug you. send your wonderful husband some love from belize and your babies!

  6. I know what you meant, Sally! At least, it made sense to me. It’s a comforting thought.

  7. Hi Carrie,
    Thanks for your comment. It’s nice to think of Charlie being connected to Malou too.
    Lots of love to you all,
    Stephanie


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