*Superstition*

Definition:
An irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome.

Mom gave me
an angel necklace
for Mother’s Day
and since I started
wearing it,
I feel like my luck has changed.

I mean, in regards
to fertility.

This is the area
that I have a lot of
superstitions
(and they tend to change monthly).

I happened
to have the necklace on
throughout the first half
of my cycle,
and then when things
started going better
than I expected,
I kept it on
as a magic charm,
even though it didn’t
always match my outfit
and I have a million other
necklaces I could have worn. πŸ˜‰

So I couldn’t bear to take it
off after I started to get
positive pregnancy tests
(10 and counting, I still can’t believe it sometimes).

I also got an emerald green
good luck bracelet
from a friend for
Malou’s
birthday
(emerald is May’s birthstone).

As soon as I found out
it was for good luck
and
that it represented my girl,
I started wearing it
on “special occasions.”

Read: getting my hcg levels checked.

I know how irrational
this is, but when you want something
so badly, and it all seems so fragile,
you don’t want to do anything
to mess it up.

I knew I’d blame myself
if I took off one of these
items
and things didn’t go as hoped.

But finally,
I did.

And you know what?

My hcg levels continued to rise.

It feels good not to be tied
to these superstitions.

So yesterday
when I went for my first ultrasound
to figure out why I am bleeding all the time,
I purposely didn’t wear
any of my self-proclaimed
“good luck charms”
and in fact wore
something
(for some reason, it’s always jewelry with me)
that I tend to avoid
because I think it might be “bad luck”

and…

I got good news anyways!

Yesterday,
at 5 weeks 6 days
the doctor saw our baby’s heart
beginning to beat
and s/he was measuring right on track.

Evidently the bleeding is coming
from outside my cervix
and is related to the medication
I took to get pregnant.

And along the same lines as
superstition,
I also worry about jinxing myself.

So I’ve hesitated
to add a new Pregnancy
category to this blog…
because, well, you know.

What if this little one doesn’t stick?

But s/he deserves his/her own category,
no matter how long or short
s/he can stay.

So here you go…a new category.

I am also going to start adding an asterisk to the titles of all my posts that mention this pregnancy, so my dear friends who are struggling to conceive and have a hard time reading about my pregnancy won’t have to unless they want to.

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Published in: on June 17, 2009 at 11:45  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I know how you feel, I think it is the same with lotto numbers: the very week you forget to put them in or change them, out they come. You hear of it so many times. But, it is “just” superstition regarding jewellery or special undies etc but I think we all folloow this at some time. Besides, what is the harm in it if it is not out of control. Great news on the scan and good test results. I am feeling so positive for you and I continue to pray for you, Tom and our new little one every day.
    Hugs.

  2. Awesome news. Hold tight little baby.

  3. We are so excited for you and Tom. Reagan is sitting next to me and I told her that my friend Stephanie has a baby growing in her stomach, and she said “Oh goodness! Is she so excited?” And I said, yes, I think she is πŸ™‚ Lots of love!


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