*Waiting…*

Update:
Thanks for your comments, everybody.
It means a lot to me
to know you’re waiting with us
and staying positive for us.

More waiting today
(both at the lab and
waiting for the phone call with the “results”)
But the wait was worth it,
for today at least.

My hcg levels
jumped to 1500,
so that is a good sign.

Man,
this pregnancy is different
from
Malou’s.
I never had any worries
with her.

Hang on, new little one…
we’re going to have a good life.

***

Feels like that has been my life
for the last 2.5 years.

Waiting to see if I’m pregnant.
Waiting to meet Malou.
Waiting to see if I’m pregnant.
Waiting to see if I’ll stay pregnant.

I am a bit numb,
because I am scared about
this current pregnancy.

I have been having light spotting
since Thursday,
and today it turned bright red
and I have cramps.

I want this baby so badly,
but I am trying not to let my mind go there.

I left work this morning,
just in case this bleeding
turns into something more serious.

Preparing myself,
I guess you could say.

My doctor said
there is nothing we can do
except wait and see.

Please pray this baby will make it.
Because I can’t even go there.
I just want to fall asleep
and wake up in labor
with a healthy baby
ready to be born.

I want to skip
this whole
trying to conceive
and pregnancy part.

How sad.

At least with
Malou
I cherished every moment
of my pregnancy.

At least
I had the pregnancy
that I dreamed of
with her.

Why can’t my life be more simple?
That sounds whiny.
I guess, I just wish my life were
more simple.
That a pregnancy turned into
a living baby.
That there were guarantees
I could count on.

Yet,
I know no one has that.

It is all the luck of the draw.

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Published in: on June 10, 2009 at 11:19  Comments (11)  
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11 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Stay strong, Steph. All of our prayers are with you and I’m sure it will all go well – you deserve it!

  2. Hoping for the very best for you. You’re in my thoughts. Please grow nice and strong little one. Mama needs you.
    Much love.

  3. I’m sure this is really hard right now, as you say, “the waiting”, and the waiting is never easy, it downright sucks. But just keep doing what you’re doing, staying strong, thinking all those positive thoughts. I’m thinking about you and this little one tons. Lots of good hopeful thoughts and prayers for you. Hang in there.
    Love, Keely

  4. Just believe and think positive. I´m sending all good and hopeful thoughts to you. Stay little baby – there is a wonderful family waiting for you!

  5. I am praying; knowing the pain of not knowing…and it just sucks.

    Holding you close today.

    love,
    ebe

  6. I am so sorry the waiting is so hard. You are in my prayers everyday. Love you.

  7. Oh Steph, I feel for you. You are in my prayers all the time, all 3 of you. This must be the hardest thing to endure, the no guarantees etc. Hang on little one. Remember, I am always here for you if you just need to scream and yell or say nothing.
    Big Hugs.

  8. Stephanie, so glad to hear that there is new life growing in you and although it is so distressing to have any sort of spotting just know that that happens to lots of women as I’m sure you know. I had some bleeding early on with Halle and even a bit more around 12 weeks with her. I’ll be praying for you…

  9. Hang in there. Yes, waiting is the hardest thing to do. We are thinking of you and sending peaceful, soothing thoughts. Wishing you the best.

  10. Great news. Hang in there. Waiting is one of my least favourite pastimes!

  11. Hey Stephanie!! I was just about to write you and your mom called. Great news! I am so glad to hear your little one is growing healthy and strong. We will continue to pray for all of you as the process continues. Can’t wait to see you all very soon.

    Much love,
    Rebecca


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