*Equal parts cautious and hopeful*

Update:
Still pregnant!
HCG level of 372,
which means it more than doubled.
🙂
I am of course really happy
but still extremely cautious.
And nervous.
And disbelieving.
I think I am protecting myself
because I can’t handle
much more loss.
But it will be what it will be
and there is nothing I can do about it.

Another lesson in control –
just what I need!

***

I’m pregnant.

My blood test came back
detecting the pregnancy hormone
hcg to be at 76.

This is fairly low
so I’m praying hard
that this little one
sticks.

Also because
I’m having a little bit of
spotting.

Now I just need to wait
until Monday’s blood test
to see if those number rise
(which would be a good sign).

I am in shock.

I was talking 
with a huge, gruff, bearded man
who was putting up
some equipment outdoors
at work
when the doctor’s office rang.
I said,
“Excuse me, I need to take this.”

He could obviously hear
the excitement and disbelief
in my voice
and when I hung up,
I couldn’t help
but say to him,
“I’m pregnant!”

He was so sweet,
congratulating me and
encouraging me to go inside
and rest. 🙂

The next person to know was
Tom.
(Well, he kind of already knew
since he has seen my 8 positive
home pregnancy tests, but still…)
He’s excited but we’re both
trying not to get our hopes
up too far
because we’ve been hurt so many times.

But, God,
I just hope this is it.

My dear baby girl, I hope your sibling is on its way. I love you, sweet pea.

***

I know so many other women
who are struggling to get pregnant,
and I know how completely heart-wrenching
it can be to hear
that another person is
when that’s what you want most of all.
Just know
I’m thinking of you too.

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Published in: on June 5, 2009 at 12:51  Comments (21)  
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21 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Congratulations! This is really beautiful! Make sure you take things easy and rest up. No stressing! Hang on in there, before you know it your lil baby will be here. Have you thought about babynames yet? http://www.bounty.com/babynames/ is a great place to search as you can look by origin and meaning! I just had my first baby, a little boy called Marlow. Love the blog – I really hope things go well for you hun xxxx

  2. YEAHHHH!!!!! Oh Steph, I know we are to be cautious but I can’t help but be very excited for you! I’m praying that it “sticks.” I know my friends with IVF and/or miscarriages and stillbirths were followed extra carefully by Dr’s here in the states. Do they increase Dr visits in Denmark as well?

  3. 🙂 Congratulations 🙂
    I´ve read in my study books for the hcg level and it´s totally normal for your week of pregnancy. Now let´s hope it´s rising till Monday. My fingers are crossed. I wish you a nice and relaxing weekend.
    Best wishes.
    P.S: WOW I´m so excited for you and hope everything is going fine for you and Tom.

  4. Thanks, girls. 🙂

    We’ll definitely be monitored more this time around. They suggest ultrasounds every two weeks (or more if I am uneasy). But for now, it’s too early for ultrasounds, as the heart doesn’t start beating for another few weeks so it wouldn’t show anything.

    But first things first – I have a ways to go before I will be up to the ultrasound stage, let alone the baby-naming stage! 🙂

  5. Oh my goodness! Praise God!!!
    I am so happy for you! I mean that. I really really do.

    I just got my period the beginning of this week and have been feeling so down and defeated….

    after reading this, I am so hopeful and happy for you! I am rejoicing with you!

    We are praying here in GA!!!!

    love,
    ebe

  6. Oh, Ebe, thank you for your good wishes and prayers. I was thinking about you just today.

  7. Stephanie,
    Oh I cried when I read the last blog and looked at your stick pics and then I called your mom.
    You are in our prayers.
    I do hope this is the little baby meant for you and Tom to raise.
    May God strengthen and comfort you this LONG WEEKEND that you must hopefully, expectantly, cautiously endure.
    Love,Cynthia

  8. This is fabulous news. Congratulations to you and Tom. Yes, take it easy over the weekend – no galavanting round 🙂 Enjoy each other. Monday will be a little stressful too but you can take it all in your stride. We look forward to meeting with Malou’s little brother or sister.
    Hugs.

  9. Oh Steph, what fantastic news!! I can’t tell you how much I’m hoping and praying that that number will rise and that Malou’s sibling will grow strong and healthy inside you.
    I can’t wait for the good news on Monday.
    Hugs, Irina

  10. Oh Steph, I am so happy for you. I know it is still super early but at least it is still all good news at this point. I’ll definitely be anxious to hear your current update as of Monday. I know how strong you are and I truly believe this little one is a strong fighter also. Thinking about you tons. I hope Tom is helping to keep you a little calm 🙂 Can’t wait to hear any new updates. Love you!

  11. YES! Congratulations to you and your little family. Dig in little baby and make yourself comfortable for a long stay!

  12. Hooray!!! We’ll be praying for you! I’m just so happy! This is wonderful news! Update us as soon as you can. We love you!

  13. YAY!!!! I’ve been waiting to read those two words!!!! Congratulations! Hold on little baby, you’ve got a great life ahead of you if you just hold on for another 9 months!!!!!!! Love you all! xoox

  14. Why did they have a mix up?!!!! Just to make it more suspenseful for when you find out that your super pregnant!!! Plus a great story for this baby someday 🙂 Only happy thoughts your way.

  15. Yupppiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What great news, I am so delighted for you and Tom and hope that all goes well 🙂
    Hugs!

  16. Fantastisk!! I was so thrilled to hear the updated news this morning. Congratulations to you and Tom 🙂
    Hang on there kiddo, not long to wait, only 37 1/2 weeks then we will welcome you with open arms.
    YIPPEE!!!
    Hugs

  17. 🙂 JIPPIEHHHH!!!:-)
    Little baby hang on. You will have a wonderful Mummy, Daddy and a sweet big sister.
    Best wishes.

    P.S: Stephanie I need to tell you one thing. I´ve testet positive last week, too. I think we are going to be February Mums! 🙂

  18. Hi Pati,

    Congratulations to you! I hope everything goes well – for both of us – and we can be due date twins. 🙂

    Stephanie

  19. Oh we are SOOO happy. God is so faithful. I’m sure Malou has the biggest smile of all knowing the joy this is bringing to you and her daddy. She’s going to be a big sister! Will she have 1 little sib or 2 little sibs??? That’s what we want to know, now:)

  20. WOOO HOO! Nice numbers, Steph! What kind of numbers is typical for twins?

  21. […] journey in love and hope* From hormones and acupuncture to amazement and hope it’s been 8 loooooooooong months of love and fear anxiety and excitement hope and […]


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