*Warning*

If you are a fellow babyloss mama
who is trying to conceive,
and you’re feeling fragile
(I know the feeling)
then skip this post.

I am still in the two-week wait,
which is longer than 2 weeks
this time.

So of course
I can’t wait for the blood test
on Monday
and I took a home pregnancy test
yesterday.

This was 9 days
past our 3-day-old embryo transfers.

Of course,
it was negative.

So I hopped in the shower
trying to convince myself
that I just tested too early…

and when I got out of the shower,
the test showed up
very very very faintly positive.

I was hardly excited,
as I’ve learned my lesson before.

So this morning,
I wake up and take two tests
(two different brands).

And they were negative,
but then I waited – and watched –
the obligatory 5 minutes,
and sure enough,
a teeny tiny faint line appeared.

On both.

Still no excitement or
jumping for joy around here.

Not like the morning
of November 18, 2007,
when I found out I was
pregnant with
Malou.

Then I had tears,
laughter, joy, happiness,
excitement – I had it all.

Of course,
the line was much darker then.

So I get to work,
google some pregnancy test pictures
that get my hopes up,
and then put it out of my mind.

I had a doctor’s appointment
for an unrelated reason,
and I showed her my pregnancy tests
(yes, I carry all 4 of them in
my purse) –

she told me,
a line’s a line.

And that it is probably
a weak line
because I am just barely
pregnant.

So she gives me another
pregnancy test…

negative at first,
but sure enough,
a little line shows up.

Starting to get more excited,
I called the fertility clinic
to ask if I could come in for my
blood test on Monday
instead of Friday.

And the nurse says
Absolutely not
I’m probably seeing a false positive
because I’ve been taking hormones.

Hopes dashed.

Until I realize
that I know more about
IVF than this nurse
(I think the time
I spend on the internet
researching IVF has probably
exceeded her years of nurse’s training)

And it’s been over 2 weeks
since I took my trigger shot
(to force ovulation),
which does contain the same
hormone a pregnancy test looks for…

I’ve been fooled by that before…

remember this post
from last October?

That’s what this nurse
was warning me about.

But I am almost 100%
positive that is not the case
this time.

So I convinced
the private clinic
to give me a blood test
on Friday (for 60 USD),
which is when their standard
protocol suggests testing…

Cautiously optimistic, over here…

Fingers crossed
that there’s something cooking
and that s/he wants
to stick around.

For the next 80-100 years.

In the picture it is hard to tell,
but here you can see what
I’ve been staring at all day:

Positive?

Or not?

Now,
don’t get too distracted by this post!

I also wrote about
Malou’s
birthday party
below.

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Published in: on June 3, 2009 at 18:20  Comments (12)  
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12 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. ๐Ÿ™‚ OOOOH Iยดm so excited!! You need to tell about the bloodtest. Line is line- thats what I heard my doctor saying too when I was showing my test. ๐Ÿ™‚ And I can see the lines on the pictures so they must be there. ๐Ÿ™‚ Now thereยดs just one more thing to say: Stay positive and relax and on Friday you know if there is something going on. My fingers are crossed.
    Best wishes.

  2. Oooh, keep us posted. My line for this new pregnancy of mine started out faint. I tested on the due date of my missed period, and it wasn’t much darker than yours. I am cautiously very excited for you and yes, I bet you do know more than that nurse on the phone!

  3. You’re funny. I can sense your levels of excitement and apprehension in this post, unfortunately I cannot sense your level of HCG ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love you!

  4. Sally, glad to hear your line started out faint too – that part is worrying me. But then I realized I only tested 3 or 4 days after my missed period with Malou (because I was so sure I wasn’t pregnant) – so maybe this is just normal and I only got a dark line then because it was so “late.”

  5. Fingers crossed, my friend!!! All my thoughts are with you ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. I feel cautiously positive for you. I can see the lines on the test so they ARE there ๐Ÿ™‚ We look forward to hearing on Friday. It’s silly for me to say “relax and don’t get too excited yet” That is totally impossible. I pray hard for you all every day so now it is fingers crossed too.
    Hugs

  7. I’ve got everything crossed for you! i hope hope hope you get the good news on Friday

  8. I’m very excited for you Steph (cautiously, but optimistic as well)!! Fingers crossed and so many good thoughts being sent your way right now. I’ll be anxious to hear any updates in the next few days. Love you!
    Keely

  9. I totally see the line…I feel convinced. I hope we get the good news this weekend. I will be sharing the news with your parents!!! Prayers for babies!

  10. …as you know, the line on the first pregnancy test I took was exactly like the ones in your pictures – and 2 days later the good news were confirmed by the clinic. I am keeping all of mine and Zeno’s little fingers crossed for you ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now, and I’m so so so hopeful for you! I’m pregnant now, and I too got a very faint faint positive at 9 DPO. Everyone told me not to get my hopes up, it was too soon to tell. And now…I’m 21 weeks along. I’m keeping you and your little one in my thoughts and sending good pregnancy vibes your way!

  12. […] Then I closed the box decorated with a heart and when I found out that I was pregnant […]


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