Malou’s birthday party

A mixed bag.

In retrospect,
we might have been better off
celebrating alone
or with a few close friends,
instead of having 15 guests.

I always think of
Malou
so for me,
it was a good distraction.

But Tom realized
after all the guests left
that he barely even thought of
Malou
during the evening.

And of course that made him sad.

He felt too much the host
of a party
rather than the father
of a precious baby.

This is both of our faults—
and not our guests!

So if you’re reading this,
thank you for coming,
and for the beautiful flowers
and thoughtful gifts.

One friend
made this amazing cake
(you can check out her website here
to see all the other amazing cakes she makes)

Everything is edible,
even the flag with her name
and the heart candle!

Malou's beautiful birthday cake

(yes, Amelia is misspelled
in the more traditional
Danish way, but that’s ok :))

so my cupcakes will have to wait until later.

Maybe Tom and I
will take a day
to celebrate, again,
Malou
and remember her together—
and then we can eat cupcakes.

I don’t have many pictures
because my brother-in-law took
a bunch of photos that I don’t have yet,
but here you can see the flowers
at the grave:

Malou's grave

Overall
the day wasn’t as hard
as I expected.

The build-up was worse
than reality.

But it made me realize,
yes, the day is important,
but it’s still just a day.

Another day without my daughter.

A fellow mama of a stillborn baby
wrote this on her blog:

She is not sent away, but only sent before, like unto a star, which going out of your sight, doth not die and vanish, but shineth in another hemisphere: ye see her not, yet she doth shine in another country.
-Samuel Rutherford

I like to think that even though
I can’t see her
Malou
shines
on.

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Published in: on June 3, 2009 at 17:45  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I´m sure Malou was looking at her party and she liked it. Her grave looks really pretty 🙂 I´m sorry hearing that Tom was feeling sad after her party. Maybe there were too many guests but things unfortunately cannot be changed. Malou knows he loves her although he was not thinking of her very often that day. It a good idea to celebrate Malou again just for you and Tom so he can think of her and eat a cupcake for her. 🙂

  2. It was a lovely time to be with you and Tom. I can certainly understand how Tom felt trying to (as was, as always) the perfect host. However I am sure it did help having friends and family there to celebrate Malou with you. I think you were both fantastic. The wind and colours around on that day were certainly Malou telling you that she was there with us enjoying the attention. The cake was beautiful, such a sweet thought too. Yes, make those special cupcakes and have another little celebration together, look at her photos of the day and the gifts you recieved. Remember her with pride and love. I know you both have plenty of love and it shows. I love you both.
    Hugs

  3. Malou’s cake and all her flowers looked absolutely beautiful. I’d love to see more pictures when you get them. I’m sure Malou knows that you and Tom are always thinking of her. Even if she isn’t always the frontmost thought in your head at a given momemt, she is always there, always a part of both you and Tom. But I bet a few small private moments of celebration with just you and Tom would also be wonderful. Thinking about you tons. Love to both you and Tom.
    Keely

  4. Beautiful Malou Amelia; we miss you.

    Happy birthday in Heaven…


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