The waiting game…

Well,
here I am again,
in the two-week wait.

It is really tiring
to spend half of every month
in this limbo of
not being pregnant
but acting like/hoping/wondering if I am.

Tom even told a waiter the other night
that I was pregnant
(one day after the transfer).
He had good intentions
since he was trying to convince the waiter
to serve me a non-alcoholic drink
outside where we were listening to a concert
(only alcohol is allowed outside, oddly enough)
but it backfired
because then I felt I couldn’t
even have a glass of the bottle of wine
Tom ordered
(which, yes, *gasp*, I would have allowed myself)
and Tom asked why,
and I got upset and said,
“I already killed one baby,
I’m not going to have anyone think
I am killing another non-existant baby!”

Which is a very odd-sounding sentence,
and hurtful to Tom,
and doesn’t even really make sense.

I know I didn’t kill
Malou.
I did everything “right”.
I took all the right vitamins,
ate healthy food,
exercised, got massages (to relax, of course),
didn’t drink alcohol or caffeine,
avoided soft cheeses, deli meat, sushi…

the list goes on.

Anyways,
we’re still waiting here.
I’m still feeling
unrealistically positive
that this time it will work.

Interestingly,
I had a feeling that I wouldn’t have
a baby in 2009,
and if this little guy sticks,
s/he will be born in January 2010.

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Published in: on May 6, 2009 at 13:58  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’m sure it is perfectly natural to have all these mixed feelings, pain, hope, frustration, anxiety etc. especially at this “waiting period” – diferent situations trigger different emotions. Don’t give them a second thought or try to analyse situations and responses afterwards. They were what they were and that is that. Keep putting one foot forward as you can and remember we are all on your side and praying for a perfect outcome. Continue to love each other and remember I love you both.
    Hugs.

  2. This is such a tough time for you, I know…I hate the waiting game! I was thinking about you yesterday and was trying to figure out how long it will be before you know – I’m sure you know exactly when you can find out!

  3. I take a blood test next Thursday, but I should know for sure by next Tuesday (I do have quite a stash of home pregnancy tests :)). I will post the results on next week’s blog post.


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