It takes a village…

to make a baby

(apparently)

Two IUIs
Two cancelled IUIs
One Clomid cycle
One IVF

and no baby.

We have a whole village
working on it
and no luck.

I just can’t believe it.

I am terrified of getting to
Malou’s
birthday
and not being pregnant.

I am honestly not sure
I will be able to handle that.

Hopefully
I will not have to handle it,
although I have to admit
sometimes
‘Hope’
is a bit hard to come by.

Here are our next steps:

This cycle is a break
(both physical and mental)
no hormones
and we’ll just try to get pregnant
like “normal people” do

(oh, those were the days!)

Next cycle
we will transfer
the frozen embryo
(if it survives being “defrosted”)

From there
we will try another IVF

We are considering
paying for it next time
because the private clinics
are so much more friendly
and I don’t feel like I am
on a factory conveyor belt.

Plus the private clinics
are a bit more aggressive
in their treatments
thereby giving a slightly
better chance of success.

I have to believe this will work.

Despite the tone of some of these posts
I am feeling okay.
I cry but I laugh too.
I sometimes stay home from work
but I actually manage to work from home.
I look longingly at the past
and struggle with the present
but I am striving to create, or at least imagine,
a better future.

Progress comes
because
Hope is quite tenacious.

We will be parents.
We will be happy.
We will see
Malou
again.

I hope.

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Published in: on March 25, 2009 at 07:49  Comments (1)  
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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Maybe if you do go to private clinic it will be a “town” not just a “village”, that extra person might just make the difference and the friendliness makes a huge difference in your outlook I would think. What ever you choose, we will be with you every step in mind and spirit (you have to do the “body” part) OK?? It is great to hear you are starting to relax and live and have fun too. Your thought are always with you and that can be good (I think) but everyone else does not have to know everything you are thinking. We are a lot of sticky beaks 🙂 We look forward to seeing you next week. Hugs.


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