I think I have mentioned
that I am not
very patient.

But surprisingly
I am doing okay
3 days into my wait.

this serenity will last!

On Sunday
when we got the news
that two eggs
I was absolutely
giddy with

As we drove through
the snow
on the way to the hospital
I was so amazed
to think that on the drive home
I would be

(I mean,
there is a fertilized egg
in my uterus
so that has to count, right?)

instead of feeling
like a changed woman
I instead felt quite sad
after the procedure.

It happened so quickly
and I certainly didn’t
feel different.

I wanted to feel pregnant.

I wanted to feel pregnant with

But of course
this wished-for baby

(did you know
“wished-for child”?)

is not

I know
I would have recognized
the feel of her
inside me
if that was the case.

But I am praying hard
that this little
brother or sister of
that Tom already talks to every night
is able to stay with us.

It seems so simple
but it’s not.

All we want
is to become parents
to a living child.

It will happen.

I just wish I knew when.

Published in: on March 4, 2009 at 17:20  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That is the cry of my heart right now too…’When, Lord? When?’

    I believe we both will have living children to hold, and to raise…like you, though, I just want to know when.

    Thinking about you. Missing Malou with you.

    Hoping your little one stays put.
    Praying, praying, praying for you.


  2. I continue to pray for you every day and feel positive in myself for you. I wait for the good news that your next little miracle will stay with us. Hugs.

  3. What a beautiful blog… What a beautiful baby girl! I am praying for you in your wait to find out how many babies Malou will help walk home to you. I choose to say how many.. because I just need to believe that God will bless you. I lost a baby in June of 2007… much earlier than you though. After losing Eli, I am now infertile and will be doing IVF next month. I pray that you are celebrating a wonderful new life this coming Christmas.


  4. COME ON EGGS!!!!! GRAB ON!!!!! I can’t wait for the next update that says the egg latched on and is ready for 9 months of growing in your warm and loving tummy and a long long life on the outside! I love you!

  5. I keep coming back here, hoping that you’ll have news! I guess it’s still kind of early though.

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