The Two-Week Wait is Over

6 eggs
but no baby.

At least not this time.

I am more OK with it
than I thought
I would be.

But not sure how
I’ll feel
next month
if it doesn’t work
again.

I will find out
around
Christmas Eve.

That would be an excellent
Christmas present.

If it doesn’t work then
we will try IUI again
and then probably move on to
IVF.

I think it is a way of
protecting myself
to plan ahead like this.

Because I am worried
that I will be
crushed
if I am not pregnant
by Christmas.

So by deciding in advance
our plan of action
it tricks me into thinking that
I am in control.

Even though
if there is one thing
Malou
has taught me,
it is that I am definitely
not in control
of everything
(even though I’d like to be).

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Published in: on November 26, 2008 at 17:56  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Hi Steph,

    I can hardly believe how well you seem to cope with what has happened when I saw you at work every day (before you left for vacation) – when inside you must be thinking of Malou all the time. I know you will have another baby – but only God knows when it will happen. There is nothing I wish you more for christmas this year (I am keeping my fingers crossed for you).

    Love, Nina

  2. That is a little disappointing news but not to worry, you do have plans and it will happen when the time is right. You do not want to be sick when travelling in Belize and Mexico. Relax and enjoy. Love you.

  3. It breaks my heart that you have to endure the many sad feelings, each of them like a stab to your heart, over the loss of Malou. They seem to be never ending. And they come from unforeseen places. Yet you maintain your good spirits and show a graceful and loving demeanor to all around you. A good example for us all Stephanie! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


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