It’s almost time to leave.

6 weeks off of work.

I feel very fortunate.
And people keep saying,
“Wow, how great!
6 weeks of vacation!
I wish I had that!
You’re so lucky!”

And I want to tell them
they could be so “lucky” too
if only they bought plane tickets
7 days before
their daughter died
and then couldn’t change them
and decided 6 weeks was too long to be in Washington
(no offense)
without their lovely daughter
to show off to all sorts of family and friends
and so out of desperation
came up with a new plan.

but definitely not improved.

this truly is a
“consolation trip”
but that’s not to say I’m not grateful
we can do it,
because I am so looking forward to it.

It’s just saying
that I wish I was
to her grandpa, uncles, aunties, cousins, friends
and her country
for the first time
feeling truly
at Thanksgiving
that God blessed us with our
and feeling truly
at Christmas
that we could share it with our

(For the record, God,
I still feel blessed,
just not the way I planned.
I’m glad we got
and I wouldn’t change her for any other baby
in the world,
even a living one)
we’re going to
the Yucatan Peninsula
and back to my old stomping ground
(I’ve always wanted to say that)
and I know we’re going to have a
fabulous time.
But I’d give it all up
in a heartbeat
to get

Heck, I’d give it all up
in a heartbeat
to get
just one more day with

Oh, God, what I wouldn’t do to be able to hold
Malou Amelia
in my arms
and touch her soft skin
and inhale her
beautiful scent.

This time
I wouldn’t be afraid
of hurting her
(how silly was that?)
and I would caress
every inch
of her precious body.

I would memorize it.

Ah, memories…

I wish we still needed
the bassinet seat
in the airplane.

I remember calling
the airline
in May
asking if we could order
(even though we hadn’t officially decided on a name :).

They said I should wait
until she was born.

I thought they were crazy.
I mean, it’s not like we wouldn’t take her with us.
What did they know
that I didn’t?

Published in: on November 19, 2008 at 15:55  Comments (2)  
Tags: ,

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Your holiday will be different and of course you will have some sad moments but, as you say, you do have a lot to be thankful for and you will be in the best place, with your family. Have a great holiday with good health for both of you and we look forward to updates. Hugs.

  2. I hope that you manage to enjoy this holiday for what it is. Our anniversary is Dec. 28 and we always take a big trip, but this year we took it very early in April since we thought there would be a tiny baby in December. Well, now we’ve decided to take a trip to Costa Rica. You and I probably have similar feelings about our vacations that we’re so “lucky” to have.

    That is interesting that the airline told you to wait…how sad. You had no idea that you would never have to call them back. I’m so sorry. 😦

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: