Thinking of Malou

I’ve been doing better this week.

I’ve been thinking of
Malou
without sinking down.

My psychologist rightly pointed out that
I am a “waiting for the other shoe to drop” type of person.

I do think I have gotten better in this regard
in the past few years.

(Example: I don’t lament how many days I have left of a vacation after the 2nd day anymore ūüôā )

But I still have a ways to go.

So even though I have been feeling “good” lately
I feel like I am just waiting until the “bad” grief comes back.

But I am going to try to be more positive,
if not for my sake,
then for Tom’s.

I know it drags him down
when I am down.

Funny how bad moods are more contagious than good moods.

But, thank God for small blessings-
life, including work, is going well right now.

And I am looking forward to a
seeing Tina Dickow perform this Friday
along with
my great husband and 7 other great friends.

And I am VERY much looking forward to our
vacation
(a perfect mix of family holidays and sunny beaches).

My doctor said I shouldn’t expect to have “the best time ever”
but this is one area where I am
overly positive.

I am sure we will have a great time, and I can’t wait.

Other things I am grateful for today include

the new grave decorations on
Malou’s
grave
(it’s a neat culture here where “gravestone decorations” are a common thing to see in the stores
and the churchyards take such good care of each grave)

dscn0008

I am also thankful that
my brother Zach
(who won a trip to NYC for election night
because he’s so witty)
took the time to check out
The Church of Holy Innocents
in NYC
and found
Malou’s
name enscribed in
The Book of Life.  

img_08801

img_08773

img_08791

Thank you, Zach.

And rest in peace, my sweet girl.

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Published in: on November 12, 2008 at 21:50  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Great to hear you are feeling better this week. I am sure you have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of months. Just take it as it comes as I am sure you will have times when it’s 1 step forward and 2 steps back sometimes but you will see the steps forward will get bigger, slowly but surely. Just you see. Malou’s grave looks beautiful. So fresh and innocent like her. The photos from the Book of Life are great to have. Good on Zach. Well done! Take care my dear Stephanie. See you very soon again. Hugs.

  2. Dear Stephanie,
    I was thinking about you today. Your writings are always so sweet and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. Please know your words are not only helping parents who have lost babies, they help many who struggle to make sense of life and death. The Book of Life is something I was unaware of, but am glad it exists. Malou’s grave site looks lovely.

    May you both have a wonderfully relaxing vacation as we did. We just returned from a luxurious mini-vacation in Banff, Canada. We hope to see you or go out to dinner when you have time. Until then, be well my friend.

    Love, Julie (a fellow “waiting for the other shoe to drop” type person)

  3. Malou’s grave looks beautiful!


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